Healthy Journey Day 246

I keep forgetting my plan, and stand in the kitchen wondering what I should eat.   Just typing it up in here isn't working, so How can I eat the foods I plan and enjoy the process?   (This is a total Erikism, How Can I______ and Enjoy the process? is the question he encourages you to ask instead of Why Can't I.)



Today I rather ate sporadically.  It didn't help that I was in a down mood.  I started feeling like everything was against me.  I didn't exercise until late in the morning, my stitch fix came and It is all cute but I don't like how my body looks in it.  I saw a facebook memory which was from 4 years ago where I announced to facebook land that in a year I would be at my goal weight.   So much for that one.   I am not even close.   I feel like there is something wrong with me.  I am not consistent.   I don't reach my goals.   In fact I have the exact same goals...clean house and weight loss, that I have had for the last 10 plus years.   Here I have been writing daily about my food intake and exercise for almost a year and I am not much different in size and shape.   I'm still in the 190s...as far as I know.   Even though I am stronger and faster than ever before, I still have not changed what I wanted to change.   My blood sugar is consisently lower.  I am stronger.   Those are good things.  I am just feeling angry and frustrated!   I really want to ask more why can't I's...Why can't I be consistent and continue on the path of change.   Why can't I lose weight?  Why can't I feel good in my body and quit hating myself when I feel "fat".   I think this really is telling me that my mindset hasn't changed at all...I keep getting sucked into the hate myself mode and depression instead of the positive side of the gains I have made.   But really...10 years of this journey and you still have not made any progress?   (I think my brain is yelling at me now, I used "you" instead of "I")   

So...How can I see progress and be consistent and enjoy the process? 

Honestly right now I don't even know.   I am so stuck...I am ready to go see my counselor again.   I put in her all my hope now.  That is the main thing I have learned this last year.   I sometimes have to ask for help.   Having a trainer, going to a counselor.   I am covering the three aspects of changing myself.  Mental, Spiritual, Physical.  I am praying and studying more in the Scriptures.   I am having help learning to connect my mind and body while exercising.   Nutrition is something I feel will come when I get my mindset in the right place.   I have all the tools and knowledge...

I think it is time for a review....why did I fall off the wagon from my original goals...what have they morphed into.   What small tweaks can I make to become successful.  I do have the power.   I have the capability.  Everyone does.   It is time to put it in action.

I can't even think of what to eat tomorrow...That's probably part of the difficulty...time to plan menus.